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(no subject) [Jun. 29th, 2004|12:11 am]

im a failure as a daughter. im a failure as a friend. im a failure in general.  life for me right now is complicated. like i said i need to set my priorities straight. i've been "relfecting" on the past 2 years of upon entering high school and how i've changed. either for good or worse. 

i've become better in some ways but horrible at others. better in accepting things as they are or hanging out with my family is actually cool. but i've become horrible. towards my family and friends. i treat my family like dirt, talking back and always throwing a fit if things dont go my way. im truly sorry and i finally realize it. took me a while but i admitt to it.  and to my friends. i've been bitchy. im abusive. i know. ill change. but you have to realize, i cant be that sweet girl all the time. unlike someone i know WHO'S too nice. i stilll love her but i can't be her. im different. i say whats on my mind, even if its blunt.  i guess being who i am can make or break me. im not trying to win ms congeniality or be the bitch like regina but maybe im both. ill be nice but if your annoying and idiotic, you'll get to me. anyways, i need to set my priorities straight. not in a im a raging alcoholic in high school who's grades dropped and friends left sorta way but in a more complex way. i think thats a lot easier then setting yourself back on track. im an average american but average doesn't get you anywhere in this world. not into a good school. not a good job, not a fabulous life. not money.  you have to be above average or below. theres two groups thats it. yes there is an average but its just not satisfying that your just average. you want something to be proud of. people will agree and others will disagree and its your choice. thats how it is for me. i dont want to average.

yes i do everything i need to be a good student at school...im involed in sports, asb, clubs, and everything possible to make my college resume impressive but theres always someone out there better and well my goal is to beat that one person. i've been too loose going out and being carefree but now im gonna just concentrate in school because it doesn fuckin matter that your prom queen or won most attractive cause thats not gonna help you get a job or become successful. and all those who think that being popular is the most important thing, thats pathetic.  those who study and are smart and nerds, those people are the smart ones. even though we call them nerds or geeks, they become the successful ones.  while the popular cool kids are partying, the "geeks and nerds" study their asses off and in 20 years, they'll have a great job while the cool kids are working at mcdonalds. for that last two years of high school ill be that nerd. who cares what other people think. now i realize that what peopel think about you shouldn't affect you because if our better thatn them, then their words should be a problem. their lame, your not. my brother is really good at telling me how it is and im soo thankful. these past two weeks have been very eye opening. 

so in conclusion, i need to become a better person, student, daughter, sister, friend, and abotu everything else. im not as content with myself and i want to improve. ah, times have changed and hopefully i will change for the better.



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its alright with the sunlight on my face [Jun. 24th, 2004|12:41 pm]

its 12:40 and im whitening my teeth cause well my teeth aren't white enough. i haven't been doing too much over my summer. mostly hustle and bustle. and lots of errands with my brother. yeah my summer will be AWESOME or hopefully at least but everything has to be after 2pm from monday on cause im taking a damn sat boot camp shit. aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. im gonna be DEAD. wateva, i really need to do better in everything. it made me realize that its gonna be tough to get into college. that its scary. i always went off what my brother told me which was only reliable that year but times have changed. colleges are more competative and looking for the cream of the crop students now. they aren't just accepting you for the hell of it. my brother use to say that usc was easy peesy but now its not. its coming up the ranks of colleges and that just bursts my bubble. okay columbia is a long shot now. im not anticipating the future just yet. i wish i was more prepared, i think everyone wants to be prepared but we're not.  we're growing up to fast. times have changed and i dont think im caught up with the current things. bah. im in a blah mood now. blah blah blah blah blah


your friend

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one ocean to another [Jun. 21st, 2004|01:48 am]
i'm just so tired
wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place
have a new name and face

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c & w <3 [Jun. 19th, 2004|01:02 am]

i just got back from asb camp up at mount kare. it was fun and nice and relaxing.  when we had smores, we just walked around and looked up into the sky. it absolutely beautiful. the stars were ACTUALLY visible.  i loved it. we did some fun things but we also had REALLY boring things to do. I made new friends and thats always an exciting thing.  i loved everything abotu nature except the damn bugs. YUCK, it was gross. i thought our cabin was really cool cause we played spoons with ms. immel. WOOT WOOT just kidding. eww i had to share that cabin with ashley rose and lets just say, during mass, she didn't get hug. bah. i brought my cool ninja turtle pillow and my 101 dalmation sleeping bag from when i was about 5. it sorta fit me.  jenna was right the food was really good. family style. and well we did skits and it was like charades. our group was the real world. i was the pshyco. it was great. surprisingly people actually liked our skit and DONT TALK TO ME. lol only COOL people know. WHAT BITCH. wateva and the rest was sorta boring. everyone was worn out. uh....im blanking out. oh yeah and the boy <33333333333333 aaaaaaaahhhhhhh. im in love. he's the boy i want to have forever. hehehe. i forgot everything else. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

may the force be with you FUCKER

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you know how to make a girl's hear melt [Jun. 15th, 2004|07:46 am]

TODAY  I SAW YELLOWCARD! wooo hooo. its officially the greatest day of my life. no joke fool, the greatest. i was 2 ft away from yellowcard.  okay so lets run through the events.... we get out of school at 11:30 and we sorta dont leave till about 11:50 cause jessica's brother was talking but its okay. AND we get lost. ouch. we dont get to the studio until 1:00. OMGOSH AND THEY'RE RIGHT THERE. i would have fainted but you know whats the point.  we go in and theres like 30 people.  not to shabby because about 10 of them were crew so more like 20 girls. it was soo great. i love yellowcard, even before they were famous. so they perfomed empty apartment, ocean avenue, some new song from spiderman 2 soundtrack, and something else.  they are soo cute. well ryan is my first choice. but THE WHITE BEN HARPER is the coolest. ryan was really quite and reserved.  sean was pretty awesome too. i could not belive that i was there in the same room and everything. dear lord. i love kiis fm now. im gonna call like for everything cause if i won once maybe i can win again. well i took lots of pictures but none of them were with the guys from the band because they didn't let. GAYNESS, i know. but  we talked to them and it was great. JESSICA I LVOE YOU! sean played happy birthday to her on his violin cause its HER SWEET 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  we had such a blast. WE also met Ryan from Punk'd.  iono who he is personally but he's PIMPIN. anyways the overall experience was just amazing. AMAZING. i truly love yellowcard. OH OH when we were walking out, we saw them with THEIR, brace yourselves, GIRLFRIENDS. me and jessica wanted to run and ask for an autograph but her brother said they hate that. UH WHO CARES lol. anyways they dont use special ways to get out, its the same way we got out. ryan keys has an asian girlfriend. woah thats pretty awesome....hey one day i can get a chance right? suuuuuuuuuure. it was great. and i cant wait till warped tour and i want my pictures to be developed. I LVOE YELLOWCARD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

peace out motherfuckers<3333

P.S. i told him i loved him and he said thanks

P.S.S. "dropping out of college was AWESOME"

P.S.S.S. why didn't i ask him for a hug or his guitar pick. DAMMIT

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WHERE THE LADIES AT...WAH...WAH...WAH...WAH [Jun. 13th, 2004|01:20 am]

my user info picture is (left to right) michelle, the prettiest girl in the world, jessica, the hottest gangsta, natalie, the lovely pasty legs and everything else, and caroline, the nerd of all nerds. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH <3333333  i felt lucky to be able to hand out with three fabulous girls. sorry im talking about it again but it was just too good.  surrrrrrrreal right nat? lol. ah i didn't want a picture of myself cause it looks like im posing for it, when im not. so no. i did nothing but study today. GAAAAAAAAYNESSSSSS. okay im out.




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sex Sex SEx SEX [Jun. 12th, 2004|02:36 am]

1. "makeovers" with the girls...extreme hotnesss

2. asian foooooood and a tad of apple cider <333

3. chillin in the crib

4. 99 cent store with creepy people who DONT speak english . came out accessorized with squirtguns and gum. WATCH-OUT. 

5. first class act, crystal court and metro pointe. spiffy shade complementary of natalie

6.  honking cars + walking to carnival = sore feet

7. squirt guns DUKE OUTS

8. natalie flirting with carnies for free rides

9. foooooooooooooooooood expenses

10. meeting old friends!! =)

11. "kiss me, i dont smoke"

12. the white elephant <33333333

13.  caroooliiiiiiiiine is the reason for the word bitch. NO IM FREAKIN NOT

14. tag and "volleyball"

15. hook on phonics

16. cutest people ever. AND HOT

17. fun conversations with fun people

18. tu's house at eleven o'clock sorting through clothes

19. getting home a LITTLE bit late...

20. and now im here

i love my girls. they are the best and they made my FRIDAY. we are gonna do this um A LOT MORE OFTEN. it was exhilirating. im madly truly deeply in love with you. RAWR!

peace out mother friggers.


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when its dark enough you can see the stars [Jun. 9th, 2004|11:50 pm]

kanye west has a fantabular song that im obssessed with.  so does devin degraw. i love music.  music is something else.  we have 4 more days of school and im excited.  i dont care about finals anymore.  all i care about is the carinval and carnies. YES.  bye


Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecurrre
The concept of school seems so securrre
Sophmore three yearrrs aint picked a careerrr
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down herre and do hair
Cause that's enough money to buy her a few pairs of new Airs
Cause her baby daddy don't really care
She's so precious with the peer pressure
Couldn't afford a car so she named her daughter Alexus (a Lexus)
She had hair so long that it looked like weave
Then she cut it all off now she look like Eve
And she be dealing with some issues that you can't believe
Single black female addicted to retail and well

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urrrrrbady gettin tipsy [Jun. 8th, 2004|08:51 pm]
schooool is almost OUT. fuck yeah.  but then i get depressed because finals. bah.  ST.JOHN'S CARNIVAL ON FRIDAY!!!  im sooooooooo freakin stocked.  As natalie said... water guns + tattoos + saved + carnies + carnival + condoms = GOOOOOOD TIMES.. hells yeah.  we'll be the fuckin party at the carnival.  duude its like a whole day event.  im cussing....DEAL WITH IT.  recap of Aids Walk:  we got nauseated from all the asian, i actualy felt light-headed. asians I LOVE RICE and pulling out their gameboys. fascinating.  me and chris had fun.  okay to that bitch who handed us her trash, fuckin die.  um...theres nothing new. im old news.  peace out motherfuckers <3333
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take me to a place where we can see the city lights and talk about our dreams [Jun. 6th, 2004|03:16 am]

i just watched win a date with tad hamilton and it is truly a heart melter.  topher grace is um...ADOREABLY HOT! with glasses, mmmmmmm.  i can only wish to have eric foreman for a best friend who notice that i have six smiles.  you HAVE to see this movie.  i swear, its tooo good to pass.  yonkers. the movie was just too cute.  i cant get over it.  kate bosworth is cute as well AND her clothes are to die for.  ::sigh:: topher grace.  i want to work at piggy wiggly and have 2 best friends who work there with me.  gash, im like totally in love with this movie now.  wish it could happen to me. yeah and i can dance with the love of my life on a deserted street to cheesy music.  what a dream. shiz its 1:30 and um...i have to volunteer at aids walk tomorrow. thats a bad sign.


if you want a strong short taste, eat sour cream and onion pringles

if you want a lasting long taste, eat original pringles


Note to self: watch the movie, simon birch ( its fresh i my mind, just a note, so i wont forget)


guard your carnal treasure..


i adore you


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