im a failure as a daughter. im a failure as a friend. im a failure in general. life for me right now is complicated. like i said i need to set my priorities straight. i've been "relfecting" on the past 2 years of upon entering high school and how i've changed. either for good or worse.
i've become better in some ways but horrible at others. better in accepting things as they are or hanging out with my family is actually cool. but i've become horrible. towards my family and friends. i treat my family like dirt, talking back and always throwing a fit if things dont go my way. im truly sorry and i finally realize it. took me a while but i admitt to it. and to my friends. i've been bitchy. im abusive. i know. ill change. but you have to realize, i cant be that sweet girl all the time. unlike someone i know WHO'S too nice. i stilll love her but i can't be her. im different. i say whats on my mind, even if its blunt. i guess being who i am can make or break me. im not trying to win ms congeniality or be the bitch like regina but maybe im both. ill be nice but if your annoying and idiotic, you'll get to me. anyways, i need to set my priorities straight. not in a im a raging alcoholic in high school who's grades dropped and friends left sorta way but in a more complex way. i think thats a lot easier then setting yourself back on track. im an average american but average doesn't get you anywhere in this world. not into a good school. not a good job, not a fabulous life. not money. you have to be above average or below. theres two groups thats it. yes there is an average but its just not satisfying that your just average. you want something to be proud of. people will agree and others will disagree and its your choice. thats how it is for me. i dont want to average.
yes i do everything i need to be a good student at school...im involed in sports, asb, clubs, and everything possible to make my college resume impressive but theres always someone out there better and well my goal is to beat that one person. i've been too loose going out and being carefree but now im gonna just concentrate in school because it doesn fuckin matter that your prom queen or won most attractive cause thats not gonna help you get a job or become successful. and all those who think that being popular is the most important thing, thats pathetic. those who study and are smart and nerds, those people are the smart ones. even though we call them nerds or geeks, they become the successful ones. while the popular cool kids are partying, the "geeks and nerds" study their asses off and in 20 years, they'll have a great job while the cool kids are working at mcdonalds. for that last two years of high school ill be that nerd. who cares what other people think. now i realize that what peopel think about you shouldn't affect you because if our better thatn them, then their words should be a problem. their lame, your not. my brother is really good at telling me how it is and im soo thankful. these past two weeks have been very eye opening.
so in conclusion, i need to become a better person, student, daughter, sister, friend, and abotu everything else. im not as content with myself and i want to improve. ah, times have changed and hopefully i will change for the better.